Part 1: My 9/11 Story
Part 2: Some e-mails written recently
Part 3: A summary of my thoughts on the 10-year anniversary
Part 4: Facebook message sent to a friend
Part 5: My thoughts on the National 9/11 Memorial
Part 6: My reaction to "The Gotham Center: A People's Response to 9/11"
Part 1: My 9/11 Story
From my family research history paper.
While everything up until this point holds tremendous and massive historical significance, I cannot help but feel the need to make things both up-to-date and personally relevant. So, there is no better place to begin my American story than with the events of September the 11th, 2001.
I have lived in the worldwide capital of commerce, film, publishing, fashion and diversity since the age of three. While New Yorkers have garnered a bad reputation for sheltering themselves to the confines of two or three of the city’s five boroughs, I consider myself a fortunately well-traveled individual, having been on several airplanes leaving and entering New York. I have always had friends in all five boroughs as well as friends in Westchester, New Jersey and Connecticut. So, when approaching the events of 9/11, I like to think of myself as someone who understands a diverse array of perspectives from people who live, work or hang out in the city. That time in our nation’s history cannot simply be molded into a sense of heroic unity, nor can it be demeaned into a generalization of Islamaphobia. There was far, far more than one or the other going on in the Big Apple.
On the day of the event, I was 10 years old. The first day of 6th grade had just taken place the day before. I was still so excited to see everyone at school. It was just 16 minutes into the school day when the first plane hit. My teachers had left the room during morning meeting. We were all having too much fun socializing to make anything of it. When they came back, they were mumbling to themselves. They told us to be silent and listen. They said the doorman in the lobby of the school had heard on the radio that two planes had hit the World Trade Center. My friend Julia Madden, whose uncle worked in the North Tower, began to cry. I rebuffed back- “So it was an accident. Some dumb pilots”. I was terribly confused. Not only did I not understand what terrorism was or why anyone would want to kill innocent people, but I did not have an understanding of the event itself for a long while. The day went on, with parents coming in to pick up their kids. My mom came and picked up my older brother, taking him out to lunch, as I insisted to have lunch with my friends. My brother is 2 years older than me. I remember joking in the lunch line with my friend Matthew about how dumb the pilots were. We were both under the impression that two planes had hit one another and then fell onto the World Trade Center. It thought they were two small planes and a couple people were killed. I was even more confused when my mom came back to pick me up more insistently, what was going on. She was in panic over some plane crash in Pittsburgh (Flight 93). That’s where my grandfather and his wife live. I started to notice, as we were leaving the building and trying to get home, that people around us were crying. I think both my mom and my brother knew at that point that the buildings had collapsed. My brother and I went to the living room when we got home. We turned on the TV to watch cartoons or see what was available. Every channel was the same thing- even Nickelodeon. I saw footage of the buildings collapsing. I panicked and ran to my mom, who was still frantic about the flight in Pittsburgh, trying to no avail to get her cell phone to let her call her dad. Her panic calmed down when the news confirmed that the flight had crashed and did not make it close to the city of Pittsburgh or what many were speculating to be its target, the White House.
While the gravity of the event overwhelmed me from that point on- seeing debris float through Manhattan, smoke rise from downtown, seeing images of people jumping from the towers in the New York Times, reading the headline “Those Bastards” in the Village Voice…etc, I don’t think the magnitude of the event hit me until about a week later. My mother works as a doctor in Union Square, just a mile away from where the towers stood. She took me to work with her on the first or second Saturday after 9/11 for a walk through Union Square Park. It was pretty incredibly quiet in the park despite the large amount of people. Typically, the park is full of music, high spirits and lots of spunk. This day, it was home only to the sound of cries and gasps. The entire place was covered in posters. Fences, benches, boards and trees, all covered. Thousands of posters of men, women, babies, children, even an occasional dog or cat. All of them read the same piercing word- “MISSING”. Every once in awhile you would see one you saw before, or someone would come up to you asking if you had seen this person, or this person. I remember wanting to say yes but knowing that would have been bad. My mom held my hand tight. I could tell she was fighting back tears.
A month or so after the attacks, I was taking a cab to school and the driver was pulled over by NPYD officers. The first thing the officers asked my cabdriver was where he was from. He said he was from Russia, but they continued to ask him in a more and more intimidating voice what nation he came from. He kept on replying, with fear in his voice, that he was from Russia. After demanding his license and registration, they gave him a ticket and threw it onto his lap. He had caused no damage to any cars on the street and did not commit any crime- I was in the backseat and I am sure of this. The cops eventually walked away mumbling as my cab driver began to get emotional. As we drove, he explained to me that if he had told them where he was really from, Afghanistan, they would have arrested him. His English was not well, but I remember him saying “Al Queda and Arabs are not the same thing. Al Queda kills Arabs. Arabs worked in those buildings.” He was shaking his head in agitation for the remainder of the ride. I remember feeling bad for him and coming to an understanding, around that time period, that racial profiling was taking place on a wide scale. Sure, we all cheered in the streets when cop cars or firefighters drove by. There is no question we were united in support of the heroes of that day and that can never be taken away from us. But, we were not the united city many in the media painted us out to be. Violent hate crimes against Arab and Muslim Americans soared after 9/11. Innocent people were having to face the blame for an event they had absolutely nothing to do with. My 8th grade teacher, Ali came to class one day yelling in fury over the fact that hate crimes were still going on three years later. I also remember my mother being disgusted at the level of Islamaphobia throughout New York- something we see today in the phony “Ground Zero Mosque” debate. (Phony because it is not a mosque and it is not even close to ground zero).
I remember watching a Bruce Springsteen concert on TV. It was about a year after the attacks. He was performing in front of a sold out crowd in Barcelona. When he sang his heart out in “The Rising”, the crowd roared the lyrics in unity. It was as if they were sending New York and America a message- we feel your pain, we are here for you. The world was united at that moment, I remember thinking. I also remember seeing, just a couple years back, images of people in Palestine, radically anti-American and Anti-Israeli women and children, laughing at and celebrating the 9/11 attacks. The footage was said to be recorded on the day of 9/11. The translation on the news depicted the people as shouting slogans like “Death to America” and “Let the Americans Burn”. It disturbed, angered and repulsed me. I don’t know if I can ever think of 9/11 simply as a day of international unity. In my view, it represented a day in which people picked a side- the side of grief and sympathy or the side of celebration, the side of evil.
I am currently working on a documentary about September 11th for Colorado College’s Film Fest. Something that stuck out to me from one of my interviews came from my friend Marleana. She spoke about her dad, who told just prior to 9/11 that her generation was the first in American history to grow up without something to fear. I thought about this. It brought me to tears, as I recollected a period of my life I had shut out for so long: a post-9/11 fear that dominated my subconscious. I remember looking outside the windows of my classroom in 7th and 8th grades, thinking about what it would be like to have the building struck by a plane. It still seemed probable that the city would be bombed, even two years after the event. I also remember hearing airplanes go by, and almost every time I would hold my breath- thinking my life could soon come to an abrupt end. A paralyzing sense of terror would overtake my body. I would lie in bed crying some nights, terrified out of my mind when the booming sound of a low-flying plane bounced off the alleyway outside my room.
Nowadays, it is very rare that I become frightened by the sound of an airplane. I tend not to notice when planes fly low in the sky. I do not fear boarding them and very rarely feel uncomfortable on board. Things have changed and I feel safe again. I don’t ever want to go back to that fear. It brought nothing good to me. It brought nothing good to any of us- in New York or anywhere in the world. Fear brought us towards racial profiling, towards warfare, towards the death and destruction of civilian life. Living in fear of terror or warfare is no way to live at all. Fear spreads like disease causing populations to act out against other populations of people they wrongfully deem to be threat. When America invaded Iraq and killed thousands of people who had never once done anything to us before, we did not quell fears at home. We simply spread fear into Iraq, causing those who we bombed to fear us, while at the same time allowing our military to fear retaliation. This cycle of fear was beyond unhealthy. It was an immoral response to the attacks in New York and D.C. It was downright criminal.
Kind of an odd paper, I must say, looking back.
Part 2: Some emails written recently.
From early 2011:
Parents,
A-lot of New Yorkers here and around the world will be missing the beginning of next year in college to be in Manhattan for the 10th year anniversary of 9/11. I think New York is looking to re-create the sense of togetherness we in that period of time and there will be moving ceremonies, tributes and memorials around the boroughs on that day. LREI will be doing something and they are inviting students who attended LREI when 9/11 happened to be there. No word yet on if Bank Street will be doing the same.
It would mean a-lot to me if you would let me miss first block next year- which turns out to be the block I can't seem to find any good classes to take in anyway. If your reasoning for saying no is solely financial- I promise to pay you back once I can for the money lost by me missing a whole block.
I don't think I would be asking if I had not been working on this documentary about 9/11 for the past couple months. Having researched and edited for hours on end and interviewed 30+ people all while trying to maintain my composure on such a heartbreaking topic, has been hard far more than I expected. I also worked very hard on writing about 9/11 for my family history paper which also hurt and I feel it would hurt me a-lot to miss being in New York on the day of 9/11/11. I also want to stay in the city past 9/11/11 to have a chance to see the memorial, park and museums opening when they are not obscenely crowded.
Please say yes! Again, I promise I will repay you over time. This really shouldn't be about money.
From Mid 2011:
Autumn,
The 9/11 anniversary already feels like it is here. Controversy looms as more and more people are getting cancer and congress has not recognized their right to health care despite a mountain of clear cut evidence that it is linked to the dust.
Here is what I wrote to Sara when I was at ground zero's neighborhood the other day: "Man, 9/11 is everywhere down here by the WTC. Memorials, cops and firemen giving speeches, tables set up to buy ribbons, churches with memorial services, ppl asking u to donate to pay for treatments for those who r still sick and hundreds of tourists taking pics of the new buildings. It's upsettingly overcrowded and claustrophobic."
The mayor said the other day that the rebuilding of downtown will go down in history as one of the greatest comeback stories in American history. I hope he is right. I made an appt to see the memorial and museum and it looks like it is going to be pretty epic. I used to love that area. My brother and I spent alot of time by the twin towers when we were little. He actually went to the top two weeks before the attack. There were lots of festivals and fun things to do at the base of the towers. I ll never forget looking at them from the staten island ferry. I hope downtown is nice again. It is overcrowded and claustrophobic always, ever since.
But yeah, 9/11 is everywhere. Every single church is doing a memorial service, as did the Yankees and as will the Mets. All the mistake are putting up exhibits and every tv station is gearing up for hog shows, some have already aired a couple- terror in the dust was great on CNN but "day of destruction, decade of war" on MSNBC was disappointingly showy and cheesy despite being educational.
Told you I'm the king of rambling.
My mom and I have both cried watching or listening to interviews with victims families. One mother talked in a nytimes video feature about how hard it is to live with your grief so public and inescapable, something so revisited and commonly spoken about. Another lady whose husband died said she felt like her life was a comic book so she made a comic hook about the whole thing.
p.s My facebook status on 9/9/11:The optimism of 9/11 survivors came through best in the closing statement of the HBO/TIME/CNN special that just aired. Survivor: "People get upset at work. I just smile. They ask me, why don't you get upset? I always say if a plane isn't crashing into the building, we're having a pretty good day".
An Email sent the next day:
Autumn,
I really don't have much to blog about. All I can say is it is overwhelming that 9/11 is everywhere- every paper, ad, magazine. Memorials are everywhere. It was nice to learn in a CBS poll that over 30% of new yorkers think about 9/11 on a daily or weekly basis. Means I am certainly not alone. I think imma go to the mets game tomorrow with my mom. Big service pregame. Already sold out. They r making it free for cops and firefighters to attend. Very nice.
U heard about the cc memorial? They r planting 2993 flags for those who died.
Part 3: A summary of my thoughts on the 10-year anniversary
I continue to work on my short-subject documentary on 9/11 and take time to personally reflect on the effect the day had on me, my family and friends. I take some time off before returning back to Colorado to do so. Please read this if you get a chance, it would mean alot to me.
I'll never forget 9/11 & the days after. How dust filled the streets, how missing posters covered every wall. How people cheered in the streets for firefighters & police officers. How despite all the unity, muslims were vilified. How the government exploited our city's sorrow to stir fear & win votes. But most of all, I will never forget what was lost. Not just the lives, but the structures. I loved being around the Twin Towers & looking at them from the Staten Island ferry. While not all my memories are of togetherness, some of racist hate and some of ignorance, I believe we should all try to remember the simple 'human loss side of things' (I can't think of a better way to put it) - those who just went to work that day and did not come back & those who went to work sacrificing their health and too often their lives to save others. May they never be forgotten, no matter how many years separate us from the tragedy.
In New York it is everywhere right now, a constant reminder from every newspaper, magazine, tv station and street eavesdropping that the mighty 10 year anniversary has arrived. Everyone has their personal connection, puny or huge, usually very fluctuating. For me, I think it is important to reconigize that no matter how you feel about the country now and how you feel about the political aftermath, 9/11 was an event of mass proportions, the deadliest day in U.S history. I feel like the human side is lost in the shuffle of our generation's frustrations with our bureaucratic two-party mess, the political theater that was made of 9/11 in such a cheesy fashion and our contentious & deadly conflicts in the Mid East. Today, I'm going to try my best to only think of 9/11 as a loss of human life on a large scale, and for that alone, leaving behind the ugly & cold partisanship to let ourselves think, we can unite in memorium.
Today and tonight or whenever it feels right , I ask that we each pay tribute, even if we can only do so internally, to the near 3,000 civilians who perished, the tens of thousands of family and friends who were left with trauma & emptiness, those who suffered from often suicide-enducing PTSD and those who were made sick by the toxic air. To these people, from all the nationalities, countries, genders and economic backgrounds they hailed. Let us never forget them.
Part 4: Facebook message sent to a friend
Alek,
I think the best way to describe what we were talking about when it comes to using/exploiting 9/11 is those who feel like we as a nation are "healing" from it still. I think that frame of mind, even if it comes 100% from a good place, undermines how personal it was for a large but select group of victims and how despite how many millions it touched, it did not dramatically alter the lives of every American the way many say it did. Hard reality. Agreed?
Furthermore, that is why it is all the more important to not exploit the tragedy but remember it for what it was- a tragedy. Simple.
-Sam
Part 5: My thoughts on the National 9/11 Memorial
There was nothing particularly surprising about the 9/11 memorial and I came away liking this fact. That the memorial was not flashy or overdramatic, but simple and apolitical- this I liked.
I was, however, moved by the sheer amout of names that surround the two reflecting pools.
Generally, I wish the memorial had even more greenery. I want the trees to be taller and more lush, I want more green. I also want less noise. I hope that when the construction is done and the trees have grown taller and you no longer need to make a reservation to visit the memorial, it will start to feel like a nice public park like Washington Square Park of Madison Park. Just me.
Part 6: My reaction to "The Gotham Center: A People's Response to 9/11"
I visited CUNY's Graduate Center's Midown Campus for an event titled "The Gotham Center: A People's Response to 9/11". Big deal-people were there- from the founder and manager of The September 11th Digital Archive (He mentioned that his organization, which represented the first ever digital submission and the largest ever submission to the Library of Congress in D.C, was #2 or 3 on Google when one searches "September 11"), to the author of After the Fall which focused primarily on the Muslim American community in 9/11's aftermath to the creator of "Voices of 9/11" best known in the days after 9/11/01 as "Here Is New York", a place of photography and communal grieving. "Voices of 9/11" compiled 550 photo-booth interviews, unedited.
In the audiance was a 50-year head headline writer for The New York Times who decided to print "U.S Attacked" on 9/12/01 as the lead story/headline. She spoke about how a near-decade after the German Genocide of Non-Aryans, her colleagues' decision to call, for the first time (and it caught on, obviously) what had been done the or a "holocaust", was a catastrophic mistake that undermined/lessend the atrocities, comparing this to the media and ultimately society's decision to call the September 11th attacks "9/11". The panelists all agreed, as they had all tried to avoid the "9/11" label. I thought it was somewhat petty to take the shortening so seriously- it is simply a product of a modern world and a functioning civilization- a reality of how matters are made sense of.
All the panelists spoke in disdain of America's post-9/11 nationalism, one audience member pointing out that the term "homeland" had never before been used to describe America, until the post-9/11 conservatives invented "Homeland Security". They spoke on this matter in just about every way you can imagine, from everything to how Bush and the Republicans cheapened 9/11 by exploiting the attack for political gain, to how the "God Bless America" montra was detrimental in a situation in which neither our pain or unity was special. One panelist spoke about how she and her friend painted their downtown building with the world "God Bless the World" to fight back. I was refreshed that the panel was so liberal, perhaps far more liberal than me.
What I learned and took away from the experience above all else, was how the 9/11 archive guy talked about Chinatown and how it was the most effected neighborhood yet had been ignored by the media.
Useful links related to the evening: Post-9/11 Chinatown Report; Post 9/11 Chinatown Movies ; Here is New York: Voices of 9/11 ; After the Fall on Amazon
Personal Writing Update: Piece for a Writing Class : Before and After the September 11th Attacks
Personal Writing Update: Piece for a Writing Class : Before and After the September 11th Attacks
That's all, folks.
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