SamMetsFan Sam MetsFan
Two funny things happened today: Discovered Hooters carrots are their best food, realized Sara is Hilarious: "Sam! Shut up & Talk!"
EliFromBrooklyn Eli
This weekend was the New York City Marathon, the one race in America that has yet to be insulted by Mel Gibson.
EliFromBrooklyn Eli
Anyone else vote for the Fail Whale as a write-in for Governor of New York?
jackieclarke Jackie Clarke
I thought Sam said, "I wanna open up a tapas restaurant." In fact, he said topless. Idiot.
BorowitzReport Andy Borowitz
Why the fuss about a Tea Party candidate's involvement in Nazi reenactments? Isn't that what the Tea Party is?
veryfakeBR Fake Bleacher Report
Expect to see Brooks Conrad on the Mets next year
thekeithjordan Keith Jordan
The fact that Brooks Conrad is playing pro baseball & I'm not is a real shot to my self confidence. #Braves #hesucks
EamesEra Stephen
If I were a Braves fan, I'd be checking Brooks Conrad's bank account for recent wire transfers originating in Northern California.
DamnTrue True Tourtillott
Nice that #braves fans stop dressing as empty seats when they get to the playoffs.
SamMetsFan Sam MetsFan
Move over dogs, Ethernet is man's best friend.
wesjoke Wesley Hofmann
I'm going to see Green Day tonight... therefore I am seeing Green Night. #StupidJoke
EliFromBrooklyn Eli
A new survey found that 30% of parents get bored playing w/ their kids. That explains my parents' favorite game to play w/ me: Hide & Stay.
TheOnion The Onion
8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live http://onion.com/9ldi1f
OMGwhatateen OMGwhatateen
We all have a friend who doesn't get the joke, so we have to explain it to them. #OMGwhatateen
jackieclarke Jackie Clarke
I'm one of those Americans who thinks Obama is Muslim. Wait, no I'm not since I don't have my head shoved deep inside my ass.
OMGwhatateen OMGwhatateen
MySpace has officially became Facebook's retarded brother & Twitter's nerdy cousin. #LOL
OMGwhatateen OMGwhatateen
I hate when I actually do my homework and the teacher doesn't collect it. #OMGwhatateen
jackieclarke Jackie Clarke
Really old cars are less cool when driven by really old people
BobbyBtheMC The Dopest of Losers
I like overhearing really cool/insightful/smart conversations...
OMGwhatateen OMGwhatateen
I will carry 20 grocery bags so I don't have to make a second trip. #OMGwhatateen
arthurj09 AJ Sims
this is the second day someone dropped off their kid for me to babysit while i've been hungover...
EliFromBrooklyn Eli
Congratulations to the Diamondbacks whom it took 18 games since the break to win against a team not named the Mets.
JimGaffigan Jim Gaffigan
You ever accidentally catch someone in their underwear? That's awkward. Especially, if you’re holding a knife.
lindsaylohan Lindsay Lohan
A waitress just hit me - punched me for no reason
I'll keep posting one's I love.... goodnight
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